My Summer Break
by charrrmed
Summary: Bonnie's back from vacation with her family, and, overwhelmed by recent events, Caroline turns her switch off for the first time.


**Timeline: Set before Bonnie's first scene in Disturbing Behavior. Keeping with canon.**

**Summary: Overwhelmed by recent events, Caroline turns her switch off for the first time.**

**A/N:Dedicated to razycrandomgirl who complained about Bonnie and Caroline's reunion happening offscreen.**

**My Summer Break**

Bonnie tripped when her bedroom door was within reach. She was waddling, holding on to one of her duffel bags by the large strap and kicking it forward each time she took a step. To add to her burden, another was slung across her body, yet another on her shoulder, and her messenger bag over _that_. Out of breath from climbing the stairs in that condition, she used her telekinesis to open her bedroom door and was surprised to see Caroline laying against her headboard reading an old issue of Star Magazine.

Caroline calmly looked away from her reading and smiled.

"Caroline!" Bonnie chided quietly, quickly dropping her bags so she could shut the door. "Did you break in here?" she asked going over to the bed.

"Yep," Caroline said happily. "I wanted to be the first to welcome you back." She swung her legs over and took her in a hug.

Bonnie smiled as she hugged her back. When they separated, she could see there was a tightness around Caroline's mouth that threatened to erase her smile. "Right," Bonnie said knowingly. She turned to her bags and commenced moving them in front of her dresser. She would take a couple of items out and place them, but for the most part everything would stay there for the rest of the month.

"How was Savannah?" Caroline asked, bouncing back on the bed.

"Cool," she said, unzipping the first duffel. "Boring. I mean the city's great, but I was surrounded by a _bunch_ of adults and a _bunch_ of little kids," she said and threw Caroline a long-suffering look. She came up with her toothbrush and bath soap and said, "I mean I love my cousins, but it gets tiring having to answer why this is this way, and why this is that way, and why they can't touch that."

Caroline laughed. She knew there'd been kids Bonnie's age there, but they'd flown back home long before she did.

"So?" Bonnie asked airily when she came back from the bathroom. She got on the bed and folded her legs under her. "What's up?"

She had gotten a cryptic and worrying message from Caroline about how she needed to talk to her, and when she had called to ask what was going on, her usually talkative friend had barely been able to get a word out. Bonnie had heard the misery in her voice, knew something bad had happened. Her first guess had been Stefan. Had he come back and done something? Tyler? What? Caroline had simply told her she couldn't talk about it over the phone, that she'd wait until Bonnie got back.

Sure enough, at the mention of the subject, the tense lines around Caroline's mouth won out and her smile disappeared. Her face caved in in such a way that Bonnie's heart started thudding against her ribs. "Caroline?" she moved closer to her, "What happened?"

Caroline licked her lips and got the words out. "It's my dad."

Bonnie feared the worst, that he'd gotten into a car accident, that he was badly injured or worse. She could not have imagined the story that spilled from Caroline in her worst, most creative nightmare. When Caroline's story turned into the second day of her torture, Bonnie's hand was over her mouth. She felt sick and her cheeks were wet with tears.

When she finished, Caroline's face was gaunt, the life drained from her eyes. She looked defeated and resigned. Bonnie moved immediately and held her. But Caroline wasn't crying, hadn't teared up once while telling the story. She was done sobbing and heaving; she didn't have anything left. "I hate this," she said sounding like she wanted to cry. "I hate...knowing my dad is capable of this, Bonnie, I don't want to know it. I don't want to know that I could stop existing so completely to him."

Bonnie didn't know what to say. The man Caroline had described didn't sound anything like her father, the man she adored and admired. "I'm sorry," she whispered, tightening her hold. "I'm so sorry."

/

"Where is he?" Bonnie asked. They were lying down now, Caroline on Bonnie's right.

"I don't know," Caroline answered, her voice child-like, her body facing Bonnie but her eyes on the ceiling. "I don't really care."

Bonnie rubbed the hand that was lying between them. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"I thought it couldn't get worse than how you reacted when you found out. That nothing could hurt more," she admitted, looking at her. "Then my mom found out," she said shakily. "And I thought there could be nothing worse than _that_."

The defeat was still in her voice. "I wish I could've been there," Bonnie said.

"There's no use," Caroline answered swiftly, almost bitterly, her eyes back on the ceiling. "It happened."

Bonnie squeezed her hand as hard as she could to communicate that she was here. No matter her own father's rejection she couldn't picture him hurting her. But could he? Caroline was her dad's princess and he-

"You know what I wanna do?"

Bonnie's voice was hoarse when she answered. "What?"

"I wanna turn off my feelings."

Bonnie froze at that. Not letting go of Caroline's hand, she shifted to support herself on her elbow.

Caroline looked at her desperately, almost asking for permission to do it. "I don't wanna care," she pled. "I don't..." a lump was lodging itself in her throat, "Wanna hurt. I don't want this to matter. That my dad-"

"Do it," Bonnie said, firm and sure.

Caroline was taken by surprise, wondering if she'd heard right, aware that Bonnie had increased the pressure on her hand.

"Do it," and it was her turn to sound like she was asking. Begging. It was incredibly risky; incredibly irresponsible. Caroline becoming unfeeling had been her fear during the early days of her pushy friend's vampirysm, but now it seemed like the best thing. There had to be some sort of protection, something in the cosmos to shield them from this. They couldn't keep taking hit after hit, disappointment after disappointment; it wasn't fair. How were they supposed to deal with it? Talking could only do so much. There was only so much, "I'm sorry," "I'm here," "I wish this hadn't happened," could do, all of which she'd said to Caroline. In her case, leaving town to spend time with family could only accomplish so much. She had felt like a weight had been lifted when she had left the boundaries of Mystic Falls, the negative energy around her cracking and eventually breaking away. But she hadn't been back two hours and the horror was already back and it had increased tenfold.

"What if I can't come back?" Caroline asked, her voice small, eyes wide, and the color almost gone from her face.

"You will," Bonnie reassured, her face feeling like it was stretching to hold back her tears.

"I don't want you to-"

"I won't hurt you," she swore passionately. "I wont...let you go."

Terrified, Caroline closed her eyes. It happened simultaneously: she turned off her switch right as Bonnie's heart stopped.

/

"Son of _BITCH_!" Caroline exploded.

"_SHHH! Keep your voice down!" _Bonnie hissed with all her might.

In the past fifteen minutes, this exchange had taken place more than once. Caroline could barely contain herself. She went from lying on the bed, to pacing, to flipping through Bonnie's various photo albums, to picking through her make-up case, and now back to pacing. Through it all, Bonnie sat on her bed and flipped through some of the Grimoires, the current one having once belonged to a family with the last name Genoah. She had wanted to pop downstairs so that her dad wouldn't get suspicious, but part of her was scared to leave Caroline alone. She might leave and go do something she'd regret. It might be silly, but she had it in her head that it would be easier for Caroline to turn her switch back on if they stayed together.

"I just...I hate him," she said, her voice marred by regret. She hid her face in her hands as if to protect herself from the what she just said.

Bonnie stopped mid flip. Even though she'd been ranting on and off, this was the first time Caroline had said she hated her father. Bonnie smiled at the fact that she hid her face. She had always thought a vampire switching their feelings off meant them giving in to their basic urges, i.e. they could kill without caring, they could be as selfish as they wanted to; that it was nothing but bad and self-indulgence. It was puzzling to see Caroline like this. She had off periods in her ranting where she turned her attention on Bonnie and wanted to hear everything she'd forgotten to spill about her summer, if she still hummed the song she and Jeremy had danced to when he had gone to visit her in Georgia, and she commented on how the big purple bracelet he had given her looked even prettier in person.

The difference with Caroline having her switch off wasn't that there was no cap on the things that came out of her mouth, but that there was no _apology_ for what she said, what she felt. Bonnie knew that Caroline keeping her switch off could turn scary if she got hungry or someone got on her bad side, but for now they were closed off in her room and she was free to say anything she wanted. She knew it was hard for her to admit she hated her father for what he had done. No one wanted to say such things about their parent, let alone truly _feel_ it in their gut.

Caroline lowered her hands and looked at Bonnie, the full impact of her realization apparent on her face, "I hate him," she repeated softly.

"I know," Bonnie said.

"And I don't want to."

Bonnie bit her lip and nodded. "I know that too."

Caroline smiled and her voice went flat, "And I don't think he cares about any of that. I'm just a vampire who needs to be _fixed_." Her eyes sparkled as malice melted into her tone, "The next person who tries to screw me over?" She scoffed as thoughts of torture, flesh, and blood flashed in her mind, thoughts of her father and Brady. She was tired of hearing, "I'm sorry, Caroline," "I'm so sorry, Caroline," "If there's anything I can do,.." this last from Elena.

Bonnie swallowed, a sudden nervousness passing through her.

"Anyways," she started, switching gears, "What the heck are you looking for in those books?"

Bonnie inhaled deeply. Everything was okay. Everything would be okay. At the end she would flip the switch back on, and things would _not_ become complicated and messy."A purification ritual. I realized something while I was out of town."

"That being _in_ town sucks ass?"

"Kind of, yeah," Bonnie said playfully, and she was relieved when Caroline smiled. "No, I realized something about what a psychic truly means. I'm receptive to bad energy. Think about it," she said when Caroline narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, "Being a psychic means being receptive to people's experiences, right? That's how I'm able to see into their past, their present, and their future."

"Okay," Caroline said, indicating she continue.

"So that also means I'm receptive to their negative energy." Her heart sped up in dread from simply talking about it, and she knew her instincts were correct. "Think about how many people have died here in the last few months alone. And then there was all that stuff with Klaus and him wanting to sacrifice Elena, so I was stressed about finding a way to stop him and the limit of my powers, and Jeremy was stressed about _me_ and Elena and his family, and Stefan's worry was _all over _me every time he talked to me, and I after I dealt with all of _that_ I had to come _here_ and act like...I just had a normal day!" she finished, wide-eyed. And there was the little resentment she felt towards her father. "I take all of that in and feed on it, and reproduce it, and...after the first few days in Georgia, I realized I'd been dying," she said, amazed. "Oh and there's also the fact that I died and like two days later Jeremy died, and those seconds felt like days, and I thought I'd lost him forever." She nodded. "I need to purify this place," she concluded, turning her attention back to the book.

"Well keep an eye out for anything that can purify _me_ while you're at it." Her thoughts fell on the bowl of chilli that was sitting in her car. "Ugh," she said, throwing her head back, "We need to start heading to that Lockwood shit."

Bonnie chuckled.

"Is Jeremy going?"

"Yeah," Bonnie said distractedly, as she read a particularly nasty banishing spell.

"Do you plan on taking him to the Lockwood garden and hitting it?"

Bonnie's head snapped up, "Caroline!" she chided on a laugh. "The party will be taking place _in_ the garden, remember?"

"Easy, just go behind some bushes. Or take it inside. Come _on_! What's _taking_ so long? You love _him_; he likes _you_. And when do you plan on finding out if he loves you too, by the way? But anyways, we've been _over_ this. _Sex! _Let him rock your world," she said salaciously. "Didn't you say you guys messed around while he was down there?"

"Mmmm, yeah," Bonnie said, dragging the words out, immediately leaving Caroline as her mind went back to that hot night, literally and figuratively, in the backseat of her uncle's car. They were in her uncle's garage, having come back from the movies, and they'd made their way to the backseat and started making out. Their hands roved, only on this night his hand palmed her breasts _under_ her shirt, and she fondled him _inside _his pants. That had been the first night. After that, he would sneak into her room after everyone went to bed, and they would sometimes opt to stay home and watch tv when everyone wanted to go out.

She couldn't wait to be alone with him again.

"Hellloooo. I'm still here," Caroline said, amused.

Bonnie shrugged, her mind still on Jeremy's hands. "Is Tyler coming?"

"No," she said. "He's got football practice."

Bonnie nodded absently.

Caroline laughed. "You're still thinking about him, aren't you. Your eyes are, like, glazed."

"Yes I am, which means it's time to go see him," she declared, snapping the book shut. She got off the bed and hid the book in one of the boxes on top of her wall-length closet. She turned to Caroline who was looking at her uncertainly.

A hundred thoughts flew through her mind. She didn't want to go back; she could switch it off again if she wanted to; what if she became dependent on it? When she stepped outside of her head again, Bonnie was standing in front of her.

"Being super aware of your feelings and what you say and..._not_ wanting to feel a certain way about people. It's part of who you are. It's something I love about you. And I will _always_ be here for you. You don't want to not care forever, Caroline, it's not you."

Caroline closed her eyes, debating. Her heart seized when she felt Bonnie's hand on hers. She _didn't_ want to stay like this forever, but she didn't know what her future held, what it held for her and her father, and that scared her more than anything could do with her switch turned off. What if she got hurt again? What if there _was_ something worse than her father's rejection?

"You can do it," Bonnie encouraged, grabbing her other hand. "You can be okay again."

Caroline opened her eyes and saw the hope, fear, and uncertainty in her friend's green ones. She saw the faith she had in _her_.

"Don't...tell anyone about this, okay?"

"Promise," Bonnie said, squeezing her hands.

She closed her eyes one more time, and she did it: she turned on her switch and started twisting in the wind again.

**The End**


End file.
